How to Stop a Habit
A picture of the most delicious Chocolate: Tony’s Chocolonely (BTY also: FairTrade and B-Corp)
Achieving is great!
But. What about non-achieving?
Or, un-achieving?
Or, unlearning?
As a coach who is into performance, both my own and my clients’ performance, there comes a time when it has to be ‘out with the old and in with the new’.
But what happens when ‘the old’ is something as ephemeral as a thought?
Or, ‘the old’ is a small behaviour like pulling your phone out when you’re bored or anxious?
That’s not an easy ‘old’ to stop.
But you can do it!
And, here’s how…
I taught myself how to do this when I wanted to give up chocolate. I love chocolate! Tony's Chocolonely Dark Almond Sea Salt is the fave’. And, for me, it must come straight from the fridge and snap and crunch in the mouth. Yummm! 😋😋
But I’d observed that snaffling a load of chocolate when I’m tired, rushed or anxious was becoming (ok, –had become–) an addiction and was exacerbating the situation. The sugar and caffeine had me cycling up and down through boom-and-bust sine waves of energy. And disturbing my sleep. So I needed and wanted to stop.
But, I just kept finding my mouth in the fridge scoffing chocolate.
It had become so automatic… I was doing what I didn’t want to be doing before I even realised it. I couldn’t easily remove the ‘supply’ as my wife also loves chocolate and didn’t need or want to give up.
What would usually happen was that after the first few bites I’d then recall that I had ‘stopped eating chocolate’.
Tricky!
But a solution presented itself.
What I needed to do was increase the gap between stimulus and response. That is:
I need the joy and stimulation of eating chocolate
—Gap—
Eat chocolate
But, there was no gap!
The exercise then became to train myself to increase awareness and therefore to increase that gap. All in the very moment the unwanted habit is happening…
I’ll cut to the chase.
For me, this meant that as soon as I realised I’d done it again and eaten the chocolate I had to walk to the bin and spit out all the chocolate. I then had to rince my mouth with water and spit that out too.
I know what you chocolate lovers are thinking: “Brutal!” I know… It was.
Yes, I did feel bad for the wasted chocolate but I’ve only had to do this once or twice in my life and that’s it – habit broken.
Changing a reactive thought isn’t as easy as giving up chocolate but the principle works just the same…
Unwanted Thought: ‘You didn’t get back to that email quick enough’
Action: Come up with self-talk that’s more compassionate.
Eg: ‘The car is in the garage due to an urgent fault. This means there’s been less time as I needed to borrow a car. Also, often clients don’t have the same expectations on how quickly I reply as I hold for myself.’
What about checking your phone automatically countless times a day?
Same as the chocolate… As soon as you become aware you’re in your phone…
Turn it off and put it away again. Yes, even if the awareness strikes in the middle of composing a reply. Put the phone away immediately in order to break the habit.
Do something else and come back to the reply with full conscious thought and awareness.
Your turn…
What do you want to stop doing?
Do you genuinely want to stop?
Will you, metaphorically, be prepared to spit out the delicious chocolate?
(Or, perhaps it’s just not that important…)🤔
Hi, I’m James - your Business Coach in Bristol…
As a Business Coach I help Founders* and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership.
Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.