Therapy, should I..?
Two sets of footprints on the sand walking side by side. Photo credit: Felipe Correia @felipecorreia
Covid has forced us all to spend more time with our partners, family, kids or just alone with ourselves and this has led to a greater awareness of just how out-of-balance our inner world (and outer world) can be.
These days I’m quite open about the amount of therapy I’ve had.
When you do that you inevitably discuss it more because people ask your opinion and advice. Here’s some of what I often say…
Let’s be clear I 100% recommend Therapy (Psychotherapy), Counselling and Coaching.
But, figuring out where to start and who to work with is tricky and non-obvious. When it comes to talking-out and resolving our problems we are as unique as our fingerprints. By all means, get recommendations from friends but I strongly suggest you meet 3 people before you decide who to work with. And, that you choose the person who ‘feels’ right for you. That is, the person who moved you or, to be more correct, the person with whom you tapped into something inside that felt important/challenging/painful in a healing way.
If you are on the fence about seeking this type of help or you’re feeling apprehensive I recommend you stop reading now and simply order Counselling for Toads and read that wonderful little book. But, also know that it's not surprising you're scared. Your ego/mind has worked hard to keep you 'safe' and sometimes it can't quite comprehend that opening up psychologically could be helpful rather than a risk to your safety/status-quo.
When you consider the research that looks at the efficacy of therapy the surprising finding is not whether Transactional Analysis is better than Gestalt or CBT or Counselling… The research found that the most important factor in determining the efficacy of Therapy is actually how attractive [sic] you find the therapist. I know, it is weird… and there’s a big part of me that wants to debunks that but if you broaden the definition of attractiveness to include, in large part, confidence in their role then I totally align with the findings.
It is important and does feel good to work with someone who believes in themselves and believes in the power of what they do. Often this is earned via many hours of successfully helping people. But, having said that, it’s also worth considering meritocracy. To this day one of the best coaches I’ve ever had was a girl in her late twenties who was just beginning her training to become a coach. She just ‘got’ me and intuitively knew how to work with me. Put it this way if you’ve found people fascinating all your life and studied people in your family or as a people watcher then that counts as experience. Also, we all have natural, innate talents and for some people, it’s listening, holding a space, empathy etc.
How come you mentioned Coaching alongside Psychotherapy and Counselling?
Good question!
As part of my training to become a coach, I studied Gestalt, TA (Transactional Analysis) and CBT. Also, if you group Business Coaching (or Executive Coaching or Life Coaching), Psychotherapy and Counselling together for a moment we can look at their similarities:
Coaching, Therapy and Counselling are all based on a 1-2-1 professional working relationship
Coaching, Therapy and Counselling all provide an intimate and confidential space as the container for ‘the work’. A space where, hopefully, you can be completely open, candid and honest about your inner and outer world. Everything from a vague feeling of stuckness, or feeling out of balance right up to a visceral and gripping fear… you can discuss it all!
During Coaching, Therapy and Counselling you meet on a weekly, fortnightly or monthly basis for months or years. It winds down when the difficulty (or difficulties) are no longer an issue for you.
After that, it gets harder to compare because it becomes about the individual Therapist, Counsellor or Coach and how they go about their work.
You could say that coaching is less about healing the trauma of the past and all about creating the future of your dreams or, (to be a little less cheesy,) helping you realise and fulfil your full potential. But I find that the work I do can also be therapeutic in nature and by virtue of tackling the future we explore the clients past in order to take the handbrake off. In one memorable example, a client’s fear of flying was resolved by virtue of our work on his fear of addressing his team in a public speaking-esque forum. Fear is fear it shows up in different ways, same for confidence or the lack of it. Like a rising tide that lifts all boats. When you tackle fear/confidence/etc in one area of life it improves in all areas.
You could also say that Psychotherapy is all about healing the trauma of the past but Gestalt therapy for example works in the present it accesses the necessary healing from the here and now.
In short, my experience of Counselling, Therapy and Coaching or for that matter Gestalt, EMDR, Transactional Analysis (TA), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Somatic, Couples Counselling, etc. is all about how the professional expresses their craft and how well that suits you (eg ‘the chemistry fit’ or ‘gel’ between you both).
So, irrespective of what type of issue/opportunity you want to tackle if you’ve not had any experience to date then I suggest you try out 3 people and go with the person who delivers the most actual value after that trial session. Not the person who your friend really rates, or the person with all the qualifications or the 60 years of experience. Look inside yourself and go with your gut/intuition/instinct. Choose the person who feels right.
And if the volume on your intuition is nice and loud already and you can, and do, trust your instincts then, by all means, go with the first person you find if they feel right.
Therapy, Counselling or Coaching will be a rich and beautiful journey even if parts of it are sad, hard and perplexing. You’ll get to a good place! You’ll feel more balanced, whole and free!
Good luck!
James
(PS: Come back soon as I will share some of the people in and around Bristol that I have found to be good. Most of them will also work via Zoom too if you’re further afield. I will also describe what to expect from some of the main forms of Therapy: TA, CBT, Gestalt, EMDR, Hypnosis, Couples Counselling…)
Hi, I’m James - your Business Coach in Bristol…
As a Business Coach I help Founders* and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership.
Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.